Some Days…

Today is one of those days and since this all began there seem to be an awful lot of them.

The hot water won’t work again, part of the living room ceiling has fallen in due to an over load of rain, one son can’t seem to get up and off to school and my oldest daughter stayed up all night on the computer so getting her off to work today will be a major endeavor.

I have a meeting with a school counselor at 12 and another with a domestic violence counselor at 2.  In between that time I somehow have to wake up the afore mentioned sleeping beauty and get her alert enough to head to her job.  I gave up on the sleeping prince… that’s one reason I asked for the meeting with the school counselor.

The one that did make it to school today is a whole ‘nother tale.  Last week he came home from school with suspicious bruises on his face that he somehow got while sitting in the office.  He acted traumatized and wouldn’t eat or talk for two days.  All any of us could get out of him was that he hit his face on a desk.  Since he’s a domestic violence victim child services came and documented and interviewed him.  No one believes it’s a desk bruise.  He’s doing better now.

Those are just the things that have cropped up in the last few days.  The ongoing stressors are always in the background: will my husband be deported if his visa doesn’t pass?  Will I have enough money to pay the rent?  Will this shabby little house cave in around our ears?Things keep mounting up and I’m about at the point of just giving up on it all… and that is fabulous news.  It means it’s all about to get better.

Years ago I delivered three babies using what was called Bradley Method Childbirth.  I already had one baby by C-section, so the doctors were all against me trying to have natural childbirth for the consecutive babies.  They all said it was impossible to have a ‘normal’ birth after caesarean.  Not only did I never have another C-section, the other three children were all born completely naturally with no drugs.

The Bradley Method taught me a lot about birthing babies, obviously, but it taught me even more valuable information about life in general.  There is a time in every birth when a woman thinks she just can’t go on and is plagued by self doubt.  She will start asking for drugs or surgical intervention at this point, positive that she won’t be able to finish the task at hand.  The Bradley Method calls this the Third Emotional Signpost, and it is an indicator that, within minutes, a beautiful baby will be born.

This was true for me in each of my natural births, and I can remember passing that signpost with my first C-section birth before they hit me with the knock out gas.  The thing that I’ve found out is that the Third Emotional Signpost is present in general life outside the delivery rooms.

It is that moment when you are on your knees, completely crushed with your heart shriveling in your chest.  When your back is to the wall, your accounts are drained beyond dry and you utter the words “I can’t do this” you are there… minutes away from deliverance.  Something will happen to save you.  You will find extra money, receive a helpful phone call or the hot water will myseriously start up again. 

Always darkest before dawn is the old way of saying it.  In literature we see the situation of being delivered from hopelessness as a common theme – walking thru the figurative dark valley to be brought out into the light on the other side.

I’ve learned to appreciate that dark, dreadful lack of hope when all seems lost – I know that it is temporary.  Only when my eyes have adjusted to the dark can I witness the splendor of the moon and stars.  Only when I have sat in hopeless loss can I appreciate every blessing. 

Today I’ve reached that point where I am done with all this.  I can’t handle one more piece of bad news, house disaster or task.  I am tossing in the towel.  I’ve finally reached the Third Emotional Signpost.  Someone else had better get behind this wheel… I can drive no more.  It’s official, I’m finished. 

And now everything can finally get better ;D

Related link:

The Bradley Method